come pick me up

**DISCLAIMER** My writing is therapeutic for me and my goal is to provide a (slightly biased) perspective into the world in which I live. This includes the good, the bad and the ugly (to be completely cliche). So, if I sound bitchy and boastful - please know this is not my intention. Or stop reading.

Other than that - business as usual. If you haven't tried any of the Amy's Organic food products, you should. I'm heating up her fabulous black bean burrito at this very moment before heading downstairs to the gym. I have my usual hot date with Oprah at 7. Ahh working out - because you never know when you might get invited to the Grammy's (was asked this past weekend), or some crackhead wants to fly you to Miami. (more than once) I mean you just.never.know. Before you get the slightest wrong impression, let me assure you I am NOT bragging about this - nor am I taking up on either of these offers. The crackhead is - well, a crackhead. (figuratively speaking) And the Grammy guy is well - just too old for me. *sighs* However, I thought this was one of the most amusing attempts I've had thus far:

*The following is a text conversation with a man whose intent was to invite me out to the table he had with some friends at a club in meatpacking*

HIM
ME

"Oh come on everybody expecting U"
"Haha nobody knows me there"
"The owners and the press asked me about U. I told them U were a Southern socialite-beauty who just moved to NYC"
"Haha I bet!"
"I'm telling U, they're all asking. Tonight come. I'll send U car service."
"Haha doesn't matter...im not anyone famous...and if i drink alcohol i will just die."

Needless to say, I didn't go. I'm sorry - he just lost me after "Southern socialite-beauty"...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!